Archive for the ‘ALS Thoughts’ Category

R.I.P. Cecelia Helen Schlekeway

Wednesday, September 8th, 2010 by annemarie

My last surviving grandparent passed away after a BIG life Monday nite. Celia was near her 99th Birthday in Lake City, South Dakota. She drove until she was 96. She had 12 children ~ 10 of whom survived her: 9 boys and 1 girl. She came from a family of Pioneers, literally…born on November 12, 1911; her family like my grandfather’s were 1st generation Americans having emigrated from Austria/Hungary in the late 1800’s. As they learned English they learned Lakota because that’s what their neighbors spoke. Imagine all she has seen in her lifetime.

She has 24 grand children and they have a big ole passel of kids themselves that I cant get my hands around to count right now. She hated my tatoo’s but loved my attitude. Especially that time I got her neighbor at the lake to clean up their mess they left on our lakefront lot of old house parts, that was ruining her view. Most of her children and grandchildren have gone into teaching and coaching as a career path. So her influence is felt by tens of thousands of students across the country.

Celia knew how to put you to work when you came to visit and kept herself busy with a huge garden and honey bees and playing canasta with the ladies on their beloved Clear Lake. She was the last of her friends to stop driving and had been the one to gather them together to get their hair fixed in town once a week. She followed the Vikings for football and the Twins for baseball religeously and dished out smack to opponents with the best of them!

I hope to be half the woman she was and live just as long.
Thank you for giving us your heart Grandma and for every loaf of zuchini bread and poppy seed bread you ever baked!
I love you.

  • Share/Bookmark

WGN imapcts life with MDA telethon….

Monday, September 6th, 2010 by annemarie

I’ve been bawling for an hour…I had not expected to have such a reaction. I was just going to tune in and see how it was going…so after a particularly prolific morning of journaling, I turned it on. With in 5 minutes I was blubbering like a snot volcano! I was overcome with gratitude for all the people nationwide who have given of themselves: from either a dollar at a vendors point of sale to businesses who have donated 10% of sales from particular events. The child performers got me in the gut. I’ll cop to needing a good cry but I must mention ~It took me completely by suprise.

I am connected to the telethon this year, I wrote a note to the emcee’s for their gift bag and I am an ambassador for the telethon and the news clip regarding my speechless speech will be featured on the telethon.

When I was at the end of my rope and had no insurance it was an MDA clinic that covered my medical tests and care before my diagnosis. As scary as the diagnosis of ALS was, the uncertainty of not knowing what was happening was a frightening abyss uncertainty led to fear which led to doubt…it was barely manageable. I will be forever grateful for the reach of the MDA and their committment to ALS research by supporting ALS-TDI the onlt non profit research facility solely devoted to finding a cure for ALS.

  • Share/Bookmark

Familial ALS~ it’s only 10% genetic

Wednesday, September 1st, 2010 by annemarie

So many people are astounded when I tell them that only 10% of ALS patients get ALS from their DNA.
ALS is 90% SPONTANEOUS. That means it can happen to you! Which might be the best arguement for taking care of oneself that I’ve ever heard.

I have my own suspicions of what causes ALS but officially we don’t know. What we do know is it manifests differently in different patients
10% Bulbar onset like me where your speech, swallowing and facial control goes first, and the rest get a dragging foot or hand weakness first that progresses inward from the extremities.

Familial ALS is a subset of a subset, and the resources available for people with FALS are scarce. I’ve met families who have lost 8,10, 14 even 20 -30 people in the last 2 generations from ALS. I met one woman at the ALS Advcacy Days who can trace ALS back for 7-8 generations due to symptoms and records. These families don’t “borrow ” the hospital beds for the home and the high tech equipment, they have learned just to put it in storage for the next time someone needs it.

In my family my uncle had ALS and I have ALS. I am fervently praying that this is more coincidence than genetic. Ironically, I grew up thinking I had chosen my parents quite well and in the deep end of the gene pool…My grandparents all lived long lives (3 well into their 90’s) and most of my family is peternaturally strong, athletic and mensa quality folk. So while the Schlekeway family is a bunch of teachers, high performing jocks and all around awesome giving people, we may also be susceptible to the manifestation of what is called ALS. I do not want my family to think for a moment that they are a slave to this possibility~ as I have seen other families become and act like. Quaking in fear of the day the diagnosis hammer will fall on them or their children…to the point they medicate themselves with all the anti anxiety/anti depressants that are so prolific in our culture. This I do not recommend…The testing or the meds-I dont get the value of testing for the gene sod1 or any other gene that might give you a heads up on a disease. LIVE YOUR LIFE. Deal with it if it comes, but don’t invite it in to set up an apartment in your prefrontal cortext until it manifests itself for crying out loud!

You all will do what you’re going to do, but digging a ditch to wallow in is a dangerous thing. I may have had the gene( I don’t actually know) but I’m sure that my lifestyle of extreme working and living had alot to do with tripping it’s trigger. Would I have lived differently had I known I had a gene for something? I doubt it, I’m a stubborn creature. I always think I’m the exception. I have never mastered until recently the art of SELF CARE.

Here’s a few tips:
Don’t work 70-80 hours a week
Don’t stuff your emotions especially after a trauma (like an assault) or any other insult
Do work out and keep in shape
Dont pollute your body with CRAP- eat real food, no smoking, avoid preservatives and mass produced meat and poultry
Dont confuse diet soda/soda with water
Don’t live with mercury filings -get them removed
Be rigorous about caring for head injuries
Don’t work until you are depleted, tend to your adrenal health
Get educated about what’s in our food and environment, and do what you can to cleanse yours.

I could go on but then this would be a rant…you get the picture! Given that ALS is 90% Spontaneous, and on the rise with all the other autoimmune diseases; do yourself a big fat favor~ Take care of you and your body first…with out that you got squat.

  • Share/Bookmark

Opportunity in getting knocked down

Wednesday, September 1st, 2010 by annemarie

Look- I’m about as “look on the bright-side” as you can get. I am not for wallowing in self pity or allowing depression to invade my personal space. However, I am an advocate taking the time and making the time to heal/recover from life’s insults and injuries. I have experienced the impact of glossing over those insults and injuries and keepin on keeping on over time…it’s no good. I’m no longer a proponent of getting off it and moving on at any cost, as I believe doing that repeatedly and stuffing the connecting emotions contributed to my current state of dis~ease and in fact stunted my emotional growth as a human being.

I believe there is a wealth of information in these times of retreat and bouncing back…infact we can find the best of ourselves in the journey back from a knock out. The getting back up is the meat of life where the rubber meets the road we have the opportunity to declare who we are, what’s important and adjust our course if called for. I find I appreciate life more in those moments after a loss or a failure…I appreciate what I have now not only what I am striving for life to be. It’s the chance to sift through our values and see what rings true for us still.

Living life quickly is not the same as living life deeply.
Reflection is one of the top 3 things a survey of people over 95 said they wish they had done more of:
1) Reflect More
2) Risk More
3) Build something that lives beyond myself

I used to subscribe to living with the extremes~ pedal to the metal, full out or nothing at all, burnout dont fade away school of life. Clinging to the excitement and pace of the extremes has only kept me immature and stunted my growth…I’m finding a much richer life in the pursuit of balance.I often wobble towards it on a toddlers legs, much like a young singer who can do the soft and the loud voice but misses all the variations in between that mark a master’s performance. But every time I end up on my BUM…I get to declare who I am all over again.

  • Share/Bookmark

Stepping Away from my Identity

Saturday, August 28th, 2010 by annemarie

So as you know I have been an inconsistent blogger recently, I took a break on my recent vacation as I entered into an inquiry with myself regarding my identity…my concern being that I have now been indentified so closely as ” having ALS” that it may be interfering in any opportunity I may have to heal. As I spent my vacation delving into research and reading about “healing beyond the realm of reason”( see Caroline Myss, Defying Gravity) and other alternative ways of looking at my condition; including writings from people who say they have stopped the progression of ALS in their own bodies: I was confronted by the extent to which I have been profoundly resigned about my condition/ALS/diagnosis.

I, who keep saying, “I’m not buying what they are selling…” had indeed bought much more of the farm than I thought I had! My resistance to engage in the thinking required of someone out to alter their cellular environment was shocking to me. The depths of my resignation was undistinguished until I began to shine a light on it with this inquiry. The meditations were difficult as I bumped up against the diagnosis and the label of ALS and wha.t it had come to mean to me. When I was young I used joke and say “Labels!” with a snort of disgust… as if one could capture the essence of someone or someone’s work with a label. PALS or person with ALS, had become a label for me that I found restrictive as I am SOOOO much more than that. Folk singer is to Bob Dylan as PALS is to me; and I found that it interfered with my ability to HOLD A VISION of healing and being complete with this challenge in my life.

I have chosen to look at my situation from a new point of view, as if I had never heard the words incurable/terminal etc and see the possibility of healing newly, with new eyes. Not some woo-woo “Magical Thinking” sort of realm of possibility but in a real live palpable restorative nuitritional spiritual focus of “This shall be!” type of possibility. I am willing to entertain and put my faith in the fact that science doesn’t know everything here, indeed it may be blinded to what’s possible by a limited paradigm. I keep having a vision of a treatment center that combines the latest technological advances like the pacemaker for the diaphram with the alternative treatments of biofeedback assessment, homeopathy, diet, cleanses and removal of mercury/amalgam filings in the mouth etc…as a pathway for treatment for people labeled with ALS. Personally I’d like to try HGH or human growth hormone to see if I can restore some balance and muscle function in my legs and hands. I want to remain independent for as long as possible and infact work to regain what I’ve lost!

While in California, I exercised more than I have in a year, in the pool, doing tricep dips on the stairs of the pool, walking laps around the resort watching porpoises play daily off the coast not more than 25 yards away at times. My whole relationship to my body and what it can and cannot handle altered on this trip. During my 1st week back I can feel myself slipping back into habits that reinforce weakness versus bolster my stregnth…This inquiry has been a good one. I am redefining myself and how I am “acting”. I am unwilling to play the role of “suffers from”, I want to play the game of “recovers from”.

  • Share/Bookmark

Ideal weight Fantasy…

Sunday, August 22nd, 2010 by annemarie

Ladies you will all get this! Most guys too I think…You know that magic number? The one on the scale? The place where your image of your body meets the measure of the scale and you are VALIDATED by it’s number and the reflection in the mirror??? Yeah well…BLECH, Baloney and BS to that! I am now 5 lbs less than my perfect adult weight and that just isn’t the experience.

I do of course realize that this is also a function of my “magic #” having been formed at a peak level of health and strength for my body around the age of 24 and at the height of my strength training prowress. The last time I was 155 I had 10% body fat and was ripped. Thus 20 years later after being over weight as much as 90 lbs and after contracting an illness which has limited my movement for 4 years already, that Magic # in my head is so far removed from reality as to be ridiculous. I really had to deal with myself this week about how much effort and energy had been put into “If only I weighed 155…” everything would turn out and be a goddamn rosegarden…I didn’t think I was a sucker for that line of thought but I was! All my fantasy wardrobe,that I could now afford, would fit effortlessly and my life was suppose to read like a smart sexy romance novel on crack…yeah, not so much.

If I had taken 1/10th of the energy I poured into that line of thinking, starting weight loss journals each New Year and 2 m’s before my Birthday, just 1/10th the energy…and put that into a single purpose, any purpose, as simple as what actions to take right now, or what would move me forward in the moment right now? I’d have been a more fulfilled human being.

Since I read “Tuesday’s with Morrie”, I’ve been looking at this idea of learning how to live by learning how to die. This conversation about weight is just one reason I don’t envy the young, I envy the old…their wisdom, their vision, their perspective, their years…that’s what I envy…longevity. Not the Magic number on the scale, but moments measured in smiles and tears and accomplishment.

  • Share/Bookmark

Convalescing

Thursday, August 19th, 2010 by annemarie

So I’m in So CA convalescing. You know how all those novels have people recovering from illness or injury go to a seaside resort/home to convalesse? (sp?) well, I’m doing that. Terranea is a fantastic new resort in Rancho Palos Verdes. Here I am up with the sun and in bed by 9pm. I’m in the midst of 10 days of tan, spa, water workouts in saltwater pools and healthy dining. Well and maybe a 10 cane mojito thrown in for good measure every other day.

I am indulging in that which is healthy as I have a new rigorous supplement regimine homeopathic in nature from my recent Detroit trip. It feels good to be DOING something. My parents are with me as we celebrate my 44th birthday and their 47th wedding anniversary. We are here to plan my care and their respite during my care…as I am unwilling to have their health impacted by mine. We are reading “Share the Care” by Cappy Capossela and Sheila Warnock and plotting our course for the next year depending on my needs.

Meanwhile I am reading of Paracelsus, the old time father of the new age medicine, essays on the spiritual nature of DNA/RNA, “Loving What Is” by Byron Katie, Books about Swedenborg~ 1- biography and “The Buddha of the North” by DT Suzuki and Caroline Myss’ latest effort “Defying Gravity: Healing Beyond the Bounds of Reason”. Bring it on Miss Myss! Bring that noise right ON!

I have had many new ideas here, as I count the porpoise schools feeding just off the coast and I watch the otters bob about slapping their paws together to release their lunch from it’s shell. I am envisioning a treatment center that includes all disciplines, a sort of interfaith model of medicine and method of looking at disease. I mean if we don’t have a cure in modern medicine…what’s the harm? It sure beats waiting around for the umpteenth phase 2 trial. More on this later…time to count the dolphins!

  • Share/Bookmark

An ounce of prevention…

Tuesday, August 3rd, 2010 by annemarie

I don’t know what it is about my Chiropractor…but every time I go I have a whole new freedom to move. I see an upper cervical Chiropractor, Dr Dan Fedelli at the Balancing Center near my home. Today on the way there I was walking like a young giraffe ~ plopping my left foot out there and following theough with my stronger right leg…however after my adjustment today as I walked out I was moving close to normal person walk! PURE GLEE!

You may recall if you’ve been reading that I had let my wellness practices lapse and I hadn’t seen Dr. Dan in 6-8 weeks up til 3 weeks ago. So I went in twice 1 week and then the 3 weeks since only 1 time, and presto a whole new gait. Come ON! If you have any idea how rare forward progress is with ALS you’ll capture how I’m feeling. Often after I see him I feel the need for a nap to let the treatment set in, but today I am enlivened by the progress. I also made a cool discovery~ he has some samples of essential oils on the counter where you check out, and I grabbed one at random for respiratory support and put some on…wouldn’t you know I am breathing deeper and dont feel so deprived.

This weekend I head to Detroit to see a holistic healer who will check me for food allergies and guide me through a heavy metal cleanse ( hopefully!) as I have been reading “Eric is Winning” and noticed his survey of long time ALS survivors all had very few almalgam fillings or they had them removed…I have quite a few of them and until I can create a plan to get them removed, I want to take some action! There are several voices out there people who were diagnosed with ALS and have beat the odds and the time constraints and are living longer through eliminating toxins in their environment, their food, their bodies and eat a fairly clean diet ( lots of raw food but not all) Eric Edney of “Eric is Winning ” Fame and Dr Craig Oster from www.healingwithdrcraig.com are just a few. Why our traditional medical resources donot acknowledge these possibilities and include a proactive diet plan and cleansing program? I get that it’s not completely researched so STUDY IT! We already HAVE NO CURE…it can’t hurt and it gives us something to do in the meantime!

People also ignore the abundant research on mind body medicine, eloquently detailed in “When the Body says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress,by Dr . Garbor Mate. Our biology is intimately connected to our relationships and emotional health and wellness. Not taking care of ourselves is a running theme in people with ALS. Having a duty to our image or our promises which overwhelms our own self preservation. Protecting others from the impact of our own pain.
Continueing to perform and play ball through injury and sickness. All of which further errodes the immune system until you have a major breakdown.

I can see patterns of this in my own life. I wish my doctors have suggested that I explore what patterns I have had that donot serve me through out my life…at least it would have begun an interesting inquiry and a pathway to insight. We can no longer ignore the impact of life stresses on disease. It is imperative to explore the body-mind connection and harvest all the knowledge we can from there.

  • Share/Bookmark

Eric Valor’s Recent SOD1 post

Saturday, July 31st, 2010 by annemarie

Just so you all know there are a number of great blogs by people with ALS. All have their own unique voice and I appreciate Eric Valor’s writing very much.
His site and blog are as follows: www.Friends4eric.org and www.friends4eric.blogspot.com
I apologize if these links don’t work as I don’t know how to include them in a post ! I’ll ask my Blog coach to help me learn…

Below is a recent post from Eric and a brief profile:

Eric Valor: I was an outdoors person, active in surfing, snowboarding, etc. My career in Information Technology allowed me to travel the world. I was diagnosed with ALS in 2004 and continued working until 2008 when I could no longer control a mouse.

Poor SOD1:
There has been a question whether SOD1 plays a part in sporadic ALS (SALS) as well as familial ALS (FALS), in which one of a large number of inherited defects in the SOD1 gene cause alterations (misfolding) of the SOD1 enzyme which it encodes. A recent study published in PLoS ONE suggests that misfolded SOD1 is present in all cases of ALS, not just in those involving genetic defect. Some previous studies have had similar results while others have not. Apparently this study used a fairly aggressive set of antibodies to detect inclusions (flaws) in the motor neurons which consisted of SOD1. Whether the misfolded SOD1 or the inclusions/aggregates that result are the cause of disease is still being questioned, although disease effects can be seen prior to visible aggregates forming.

Two things about this study I found interesting:

First, the study reported that the inclusions were found mostly in the axon hillock which makes me wonder if this can be related to the slowing of axonal transport which is a very early event in ALS.

Second, if you look at the diagram in the SOD1 link above, you can see that it is a rather tight and highly complicated enzyme to fold. A mutation may make it more difficult or impossible for a lysosome to break down. Lysosomes are rather important cellular components. The subject study indicates that the misfolded SOD1 found in the motor neurons co-localized with lysosomes, suggesting that the lysosomes were choking on the mutant enzymes. Lysosomal dysfunction has already been linked to several diseases, including neurological. It is known that lysosomal function degrades with age, and ALS is an age-related disease (both SALS and FALS begin after decades of otherwise normal life). At least one study is being conducted, attempting to address ALS by means of increasing lysosomal function.

Of course, this assumes a “neurocentric” view of the disease, where the pathogenesis is in the neuron itself. Recent research suggests this may not be the case, and that some upstream event triggers the cascade that leads to distress and death of the motor neurons. It is this “missing link” that continues to confound researchers.

NOTE: ALS is no longer considered an age -related disease due to the shocking number of young people who are contracting ALS. I have a personal theory that as the toxic levels in our environment build up, and our lives continue to be stress filled, some of us are becoming susceptible to autoimmune disorders at increasingly younger ages. SOD1 may play a part in how levels of toxicity manifest as ALS. See “The Autoimmune Epidemic” by Donna Jackson Nakazawa. More Americans-1 in 12- suffer from autoimmune diseases than cancer or heart disease. Environmental triggers have helped to triple disease rates in the last 3 decades.

  • Share/Bookmark

I’ve been half assed, but now I’m back in the game…

Wednesday, July 28th, 2010 by annemarie

So the only thing I’m clear about regarding my health right now is that I am conflicted. I’m concerned, conflicted and resigned. I’m resigned about the disease model and the lack of resources and my ability to raise funds fast enough for research to make a difference for me. I’m resigned about the quality of care I’ve experienced in the last year, and I find the thought of slowly shrinking into myself overwhelming so I look to my work as a focus and purpose to cling to. However when you have a bump in the road there- in the progress of your work, as I am dealing with right now, it makes it a bit of a slippery slide that you are clingling to… ya feeling me?

The one thing I know is that you can’t heal if your practices are half assed. You also can’t heal if the conversations that surround you are telling you it won’t happen or is not possible. I am tired of being told it’s inevitable. I am exhausted by looking at an inexorable decline. I feel intuitively there is an answer and it’s not being tended to. There is something connected to emotion and how we express, repress or process emotion. There has to be a connection with the observation that many physicians have had that ALS happens to “nice ” people. Maybe being overly “nice” is hazardous to your health? I dunno.

I do know that my faith in any activity regarding healing goes in and out like a bad radio frequency. Even when I have results, at times I forget to do what I know to do. I find vacations and time off or away from home particularly dissruptive to my practices. Funny that my clients experience the same thing with their plan and practices espeially around vacations and business trips. So we teach what we most need to learn…as I would tell them~

Set yourself up to win around your travel: Pack a bag with your supplements, grab some raw bars or protien bars so you always have appropriate nourishment available, Put a checklist on your desk for the day you return with your practices listed so you jump right back into them with out delay upon your return…When ever my clients bump into doubt or a disempowering mental space the 1st thing I ask them is “Have you reviewed your plan daily?” invariably the answer is no/ not all of it. Sometimes they discontinue reviewing the very elements of their plan that exist to keep their mental edge:
Empowering Conversations and Unbelievable Results. Empowering conversations are conversations you have with yourself to keep you engaged in your life, goals and plans and Unbelievable results are a method of keeping the vision you have for your future alive and present as you review your plan. I use both of these distinctions in my Master Plan program. Grounded in positive psychology, the Master Plan is an executive coaching and wellness program that trains people to create sustainable higher levels of productivity and wellness.

There REALLY are NO accidents. I created the program for myself, and happily it has great results for others! If I didn’t have a plan, that engaged me in my life and my work I’d be a hot mess. AND even with a plan you will experience a range of levels of engagement! The discilpline is to keep oneself engaged, interested and enlivened. Which brings me back to telling one on myself…when I’m fully engaged I can see the day I am healed. When I’m half assed I cannot. It behooves me to stay engaged in my practices and elevate them as I go along lest I become bored! Fortunately I have found a few footsteps to follow in, but I’ll write more about them another time. For now I’m thrilled to be back on my daily supplements, to the chiropractor and adding what physical activity I can, even if it means a big nap afterwards. I just don’t get to make the nap wrong…it’s not bad that I needed a nap, it’s just how it is.

Byron Katie has a great book called “Loving What Is”; in it she suggests, ” The only time we suffer is when we believe a thought that argues with what is. When the mind is perfectly clear, what is is what we want.” I’m aligned. I am creating the nap after the walk as the rest required for healing.

  • Share/Bookmark